Crying words (this is how my book begins, the "ENTRANCE")

Writing just for the sake of writing is worthless.
You have to write when you are driven to bleed into the paper.
¿Cry? Yes, I would like to. But I don’t know how.
I only know how to cry writing. Crying words in silence.
Happiness wraps itself around me so beautifully that I don’t stop to write about it. So all my words are sad.

There are days when death feels good to me. Moments where I know everything. I know what this is about and nothing feels worth it.
¡So many times I have stopped to think that I am alone! ¡So many times I have felt this as the beginning and the end!
I look around and everything crumbles. Everything is beyond me. I am alone.

Once I thought about a boat full of smiling friends. Sailing. Smiling easily.
That boat sunk with all of them and only I survived. Only me. ¿Or maybe I drowned and the others survived?

The beautiful girl who I dreamt of yesterday denied me her kiss. ¿Why do my dreams shatter?
Maybe the next dream of a woman will be real. I have to hope. ¿Am I lying to myself?

I do not want to think about women. I want to return to my innocent childhood. I hate the man inside me. I do not want to need kisses and caresses.

Once you gave me an apple. ¿Why did you not let me eat it all? ¿Why do you give me something you don’t want me to eat?
If you are playing Eve let me be Adam.
I know you like to test the woman inside you. But, let me be the man inside me. Otherwise, don’t test anything, don’t experiment with me.

The way I have travelled is so long…My feet hurt so much… ¿How far do I still have to walk?
I think I need to look for comfortable shoes.

If I fall down seven hundred thousand times, ¿how many falls are necessary to finish? ¿Do I always have to fall down and then stand up again? ¿Is this the game?

Don’t tell me no anymore. Do not make me repeat this stupid game. Show me your rules.